Untitled.

This is what I wrote the other night. I tag this as a fic, but I can´t say it isn´t true. God, I wish it wasn´t true.

Isolation

She never opened her mouth, only if she was asked a question. Even then, she tried to avoid answering and if that wasn´t possible, she did it as quiet as she could. She didn´t want to make herself seen or heard, she didn´t want to be there.

She spend her time alone, even when she wasn´t there. She didn´t want to be with any of them and they never wanted to be her. She tried to socialize, every once in a while she really did. It never worked, she always did something wrong and they pushed her aside, turned against her.

She knew things and had opinions, but she always kept them all to herself. She knew the wrong things, the ones that were harmful when it came to loyalty. She was never rewarded for keeping her mouth shut, not if you don´t count the constant ignoring. She had opinions, strong ones, but they were all too different from those of the others, so she never voiced them. She didn´t want them to have more on her than they already had.

She was the kid who always got picked last, only because someone had to pick her to their team. None of them really wanted to have her, she didn´t know what to do or how to function in order to make them happy. And they never told her. She was the burden who under-achieved, didn´t even try in the end, because she knew she would eventually do something wrong. If it was possible, they just paired her with the other quiet, weird kid she hated. Hated, because he was so much like her.

The adults just thought she was too shy to participate. That she did best when she was allowed to mind her own business. To them she was this quiet, thoughtful, hard-working kid they would have liked everyone to be. A kid that did her best to be good at everything and tried to please all of them. Maybe a bit too hard. And because of that she wasn´t particularly popular.

She was all of that. A part of her still is. She might have left the hell a long time ago, but the scars never disappear. They might fade, but then something happens and she remembers them again. It might get better with time, but the scars are there, the memories of the hell will live forever.

Listening to: Justice - We Are Your Friends (Reprise) Live